suffocation

I think I just figured out why I've been shopping (and want to shop) so much last year-

it's because when I shop (or have shopping on my mind), it keeps my mind occupied; it keeps my depression at bay.

suffocation

life, why are you so hard?

you make an almost mature young adult drown in their own thoughts and fears.

but then, if life was easy, would it still be considered as 'life'?

parts and parcel you say? c'est la vie?

screw you, i need more money to shop more.

blab blab

The purpose of this post is, i miss blogging ._________.

I see all those people who blog about competitions, events, competitions at events, etc etc etc.. and I think to myself, 'damn, I'd like to be one of them D:'

Sadly, I'm not a known blogger and all :(

... Anyways!

I also wanted to say that I'm itching for a new ink! But I'm stuck on what I want and the design :/

I wanted a white 'Fearless' tatooed on my left middle finger, but after looking at pics and talking to people, I think it'd be abit off :x

What to do, what to dooo..

On a side note, Acai Berry is good, it makes you poop better. Honey+apple vinegar is awsm too!

Oh, konnonya both have anti-aging properties. lol.

Yes, I am trying hard to turn natural and healthy in order to loose the extra weight I've put on.

Therefore, I shall end this post with this -

I Hate Cellulite (especially on thighs).

Good night all!

when you're drowning medicine like booze

today, i blog differently!

a more casual post, about well, the first Friday of December 2010.

and in this post, i will state two very important things;

1) i should've bought those earrings

2) i should've bought The Melancholy adventures of Oyster Boy and other stories

yes, those earrings were not that cheap and are heavy and i probably won't wear them at the end.

yes, the book was not that cheap either.

but, the earrings are so pretty and unique and the book, (Y)!

And yes,

I dedicated a blogpost to my shopping desires.

which subsequently leads me to saying this..

i need a job, fast. ..or money, without the job, will do too.

ps: my lungs, they do not love me no more :( it ain't funny dear person up there, it really ain't. I just want to get well soon and eat my Pepper Lunch and Char Keow Teow. kthxbai.

ps2: hello panda, thanks for today. it made the day so much more bearable and lovely.

growing pains

mel·an·chol·y Noun /ˈmelənˌkälē/

Causing or expressing sadness

it's not exactly fun to feel so, but yea.

this sudden pang of mixed emotions emerged (or rather, re-emerged) all from one thought;

being in a conscious state of denial.

I do not want to grow up.

I want to live in my fairytale world till time stops.

But that's not possible.

Sometimes I wish I was simpler. I've always admired those who are not clouded by thoughts; they seem happier.

No offense, but I think it's true.

And it isn't a bad thing, most of the thoughts that run in my head are more often than not a tad nonsensical.

Alright, maybe very nonsensical la. lol

Point is, it's usually when I sit down and think about life and what-nots that I get melancholic.

Like today, when how one day we'll all grow up and work and be drifted apart from those we were once close too and then, that'll be our life..

Maybe the reason I'm so emotional about this is I sincerely think I have a sad childhood-

I'm 20 and I can't get out of the house without having my mother at my back.

Guys and girls of the jury, it ain't a fun job.

I take on a pretty hefty responsibility being the eldest and honestly, I don't mind.. or rather, I wouldn't mind if I had more freedom and appreciation. I think I do a pretty decent job of being a good daughter..

So why can't I just have my fun huh mummy?

Why can't I have my mamak sessions? Why can't I have my nightlife? Why can't I have my casual 'just-feel-like-going-out-so-i-went-out moments? Why can't I date?

Why can't I have my fun before I grow up?

I'm not blaming my mum or anything, I just want to say that we're all growing up too fast.

I want to savour being a reckless young adult before stepping foot in the real world, before working.

But hey baby, you've given me a glorious fairytale to live in, You really did, I thank you so much. In regarding to this post.. I just want to be able to live in this happy ending, for ever.

work and leisure

So you're this awesome surgeon that has magic healing hands.

One very busy day (as usual), a freak incident happens.

No, this is not Gray's Anatomy so nobody got stabbed by a tree (yes, a tree).

The freak incident is that you have to make a decision to either operate the motherbitch wife of your brother (that you love so much because he buys you booze), or, a random stranger.

who would you choose to operate?

I would operate the later.

It's never right to mix personal matters. What if you kill that motherbitch? What will the family think? (however, i believe that i am smart and capable enough to lie and say some medical jargons to divert my fault.)

Or worst still, as you were performing some precise cutting of the motherbitch's internal organs, you remember how she accused you of feeding chocolates to her dog... SNIP, oops, you've cut a hole in her lungs.

She somehow survives it but never lets go of your screw up, and makes sure that almost everybody in the family does the same.

see what i mean?

I stand firm on my belief that professionalism should stray from personalization.

one of those days

on days like this,

i just feel like like hell.

on days like this,

i just feel so self-conscious.

i see others, and just think to myself 'hey, i'm not pretty? i'm not pretty.'

on days like this,

i scoff at freedom, acceptance and justification. those are but myths in my life.

i know some may question me out of concern but i am a young adult with a sane mind, why can't i do what i want?

on days like this,

inconsideration angers and amazes me so much that i got indigestion.

i know i have my own bad qualities, but at least i try to be as considerate as possible.

on days like this,

i wonder why and how i place myself in situations where i don't benefit.

do it for the sake of others? yes, but how many of you are actually capable, and be happy of that?

on days like this,

i wish i was a fucking billionaire

or have the freedom, time and job to be one.

on days like this,

the only consolation is the sound of raindrops.

even so, it doesn't help much because,

on days like this,

i'm breaking down.

satisfaction

i'll do whatever it takes to have things go my way,

even if it kills me.

just because it means that much to me to feel satisfied.

27062010 marathon

half way there, half way there, half way thereee... owh, i'm.. there..?

Expect the worst so when you hit the target, you'd be surprised, but very pleased.

(yes, I do set low expectations for myself la, for certain matters la i mean haha)

Anyhows,

5km in 42minutes.

I am quite pleased so stfu :)

and with only one good eye ok! HAHA

The body's beginning to feel the muscle strains but,

it's a good pain; one that came from achieving something.

i think SC kinda sucked at organizing it, crowd control at baggage counter was fail.

p/s: ulcers suck so bad. A vaccination should be invented for them :/

speed

those who know me well enough know that i drive very fast.

it is undeniable that i do, and that i like it. and that leads to road rage when snails get on the road.

So today, as usual, i was driving quite fast in the highway

but then had to slow down because cops were everywhere.

It threw my mood of abit; i felt the whole world around me was moving ever too slowly :/

But, i realised something.

even though i was not driving fast, i was still slowly driving past cars.

It reminded me that you don't need to rush while getting things done because

everything falls into place sooner or later.

True, it sucks that time can't move fast -

that things fall into place too slow (my point of view)

But it is also true, that certain things can't be rushed.

Like;

waiting for cookies to bake, waiting for wine to age, waiting for the right time to watch the sunrise/sunset or even, waiting for wounds to heal.

Fact is, as cliche as it sounds,

time heals all wounds.

Nothing has to be forced, to be sped.

, take time to hurt. take time to heal.

In the process of it, find yourself again.

It won't be easy, it might take a long time but

We're here for you, we want to be here for you ( you should know that :) )

At least, I'm always, and want to, be here for you ( KNOW that ).

p/s : I meant it when i say i was driving slow ok, 80km/hr lol